Zac's Birth - The Untrue Story
I want to congratulate you, my son, on this, your coming-out-of-my-x-wive’s-vag-day, July 26th, 1990… 31 years ago today! Though your exploits, up to this point, are well documented at the local precinct, and the stuff of legend, something happened on this very fateful day that not even your dear mother knows about. Something that effected everyone in that room… something that shook the foundation of everyone in existence! I think it was right around noon of this day that you fell to the tile floor with a heavy thud after being launched from your dear mother’s weary birth receptacle after she pushed for 12 agonizing hours and ingested enough drugs to kill a rhino. She passed out immediately after the launch, and didn’t wake up until Hanukah, so your mother is none the wiser to these events. Now how do you drop a new born baby you might be asking? But in the doctor’s defense, they desperately tried to corral the writhing, slippery, 2 kilo eggplant that sprung forth, screaming, but were