The 13th: An Impromptu Movie Review & Emotional Melt Down

In 2019, an on-line acquaintance of mine, Molly, whom I've yet to meet face to face, recommended that I watch the Netflix film "13th", about the events that followed the ratification of the 13th Amendment in the United States in 1964. She brought this film to my attention because of my recent Facebook posts which, during the Trump debacle, were of a decidedly political bent, resplendent with outrage at the rise of racism his presence caused on the political landscape in the United States. I felt, up until that point, that I was reasonably well read and was on the right side of things. I found out that I had no idea. The following is my response to her after viewing the movie.

A documentary by Ava DuVernay

The Thirteenth Amendment—passed by the Senate on April 8, 1864; by the House on January 31, 1865; and ratified by the states on December 6, 1865—abolished slavery “within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.”

13th - Full Movie (on YouTube)

13th Movie Trailer

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Oh my dear Molly - what HAVE you done? I’m not sure whether to curse you or kiss you for pointing me toward “13th”, and I have a hunch you know exactly what I’m talking about. Now I’m quite aware that we don’t know each other and I have already made a quip about me being a FB stalker - so I assure you, this ain’t that. What this is, is much needed therapy for me. Besides, you made the recommendation, so now YOU are the doctor.

I got up super early to watch 13th. And in the early morning hours, with every passing minute, my rage grew. I mean, I’m already on edge because of the events of the day, and just coming off a sanity restoring news and FB moratorium, keeping just informed enough to know if the world was ending or not, I felt I was in a good mind space for something like this. I came flying out of the gate with my copious FB festering that I met you through. And that festering was inspired by my sudden realization that MANY people who I know and love - and that love me - are straight up racist mother fuckers. They MUST know it’s wrong because they hide it so well. What triggered me was when I saw that unapologetic and ignorant Auschwitz post I eluded to in an earlier post. It was posted by a VERY dear friend who’s posts were getting increasingly racist over the past few weeks as the BLM movement gained and maintained momentum. And as empathetic as I was for black people’s plight - she was turning more cracker, until she finally revealed her true nature. And what REALLY frosted my ass was that her’s were all shares… not a single original thought, just click-send and off to make some tea. SHE is the virus! SHE is the fake news she complains about. When I said Black Lives Matter - she comes back with All Lives Matter… yeah, one if "those". I was so HEART broken and mad that I was uncharacteristically devoid of the right words to express myself. A full day of pacing about, brooding, practicing a face to face conversation in my head - and I admit, sometimes out loud to myself. “Who you talking to Mike?”… “oh, ummm, no one”. I decided not to confront her personally because I felt people of that ilk and intellect can’t handle the confrontation well enough to have a conversation that doesn’t involve “I know you are but what am I?” I didn’t respond directly too her post as to not publicly call her out - but I did post something as an open letter on my newsfeed which you read. I didn’t do it to change people. I did it to CLEARLY let anyone reading know where I stand on such issues and I'm done being quiet about it - because silence is complicity. I also did it for some much needed therapy - much like this writing right here.

You said this would “blow my mind”… well, consider my mind blown. As I watched, I was disheartened by how deep and hopeless the whole thing seems, then the unbridled empathy for people I don’t know, the guilt I carry just for being ignorant to it for too long. My friends stateside have always called me the most liberal person they know, almost like an insult while I always thought it was a good thing… but now I feel it was not liberal enough. I would stand up in gatherings and uncomfortably say , “no! keep that nigger talk to yourself. If you want to ever see me again - stop it right now.” And they did, but with a smirk of course, “oh Mikey is getting feisty!” they’d say with a laugh. My wife would say “be quiet” and I’d be a good boy to keep the peace and in doing so, allowed them to be racists for the other 99% of the time. I don’t talk to ANY of those people anymore. I feel now like I should have expected and demanded more from them, and especially more from myself.

At the 30 minute mark of the movie, I didn’t think I could make it through the full 90 minutes without screaming and actually contemplated, “perhaps I can do it in 3 - 30 minute sittings”… looking for any reason to regain control of my building rage. And then I immediately felt like a schmuck for lamenting over sitting through a 90 minute film about how people of color have suffered for hundreds of years right up until this very moment… and the next that follows.

I have an irresistible urge to confront every one of these in-bread Trump flunky racist hillbillies because just WRITING those insulting words makes me feel better… but the feel-good, the little that it is, ends right there and is replaced with hopelessness… I can’t imagine getting through the thick skulls of people so flagrantly ignorant - nor can I imagine a system so deeply flawed can be fixed. When I talk to these racists here in Costa Rica, I feel I’m talking directly to whitey in the 50’s.

I hope upon hopes that these latest protests… protests with a purpose and intensity that I’ve never seen in my lifetime… have a meaningful and lasting effect… while I wonder if humanity can EVER recover from the stain that is racism.

OK… I’m done. Thank you again for the recommend and the therapy. I think I need a nap now.